WHTP salutes...

The baddest mother fucker to ever walk the earth. If we at WHTP haven't made our love for you clear, let us do it now. To four years in the free world...

The Week That Was 12/18

- I have never been so worried about one of my teams when their 11-3 as I am about the Giants. That is partially because I've never been a fan of an 11-3 team before, and partially because they have looked embarrassingly miserable these last two games. The G have derailed the hope train and better get it back on track this Sunday. LETS GO G!

- Did anyone see the play in the Giants Cowboys game when Tuck sacked Romo in the end zone for a safety? The offensive line didn't even move when the ball was snapped. I guess they didn't know the snap count for the 'Witten TE Fly' play call. That's why secret plays never work, miscommunications.

- I wish I was in the meeting when Vince Vaughn and his agent got together at the peak of his career and decided it was time to transition into Tim Allen mode and only make Christmas movies. Great career choice, it worked wonders for Tim the Tool Man. I'm sure the "Four Christmases" script was a cant pass up opportunity, but come on. Now both stars of Wedding Crashers have tried to commit suicide, career or otherwise.

- The New York Mets realized that they were the only big money team that was trying to sign K-Rod and they skimmed around $20 million off the projected deal. The Yankees realized they were the only big money team that was going after C.C. Sabathia and they added 20 million to the projected deal. How Brain Cashman keeps his job is beyond me…

- How do you even go about calling a secret play in the huddle? "All right guys, were running the deep post to T.O." (winks at Witten, gives him that gay, smug Romo grin)...

- I was talking with a fellow '3-man Weave' mind who claimed that he was at the game when A-Rod hit his 500th homer and he didn't even clap. As a matter of fact, he booed. This gets to the core of my argument that A-Rod is in the biggest lose-lose situation ever and that Yankee fans doom themselves by mistreating their sensitive star. And, while we are on the Yankees, how is the Red Sox/Yanks rivalry real when the Yankees may sign Manny and own 2/3s of the first WS champion Red Sox outfield. Aren't you supposed to despise your enemies, not embrace them?

- If T.O. is Truman Burbank, and Romo is Marlon, does that make Jerry Jones Christof?
(Sitting on the docks drinking a six pack) :
Romo: "The last thing I would ever do, is lie to you... I mean think about it, Terrell. (cut to: Jerry Jones with the headset, reciting the dialogue in his ear.) " If everybody is in on it. Then I'd have to be in on it too."(T.O. holds back tears, emotions are intense)…

- Bills back-up and former face of the franchise J.P. Losman is funny to me. Hes like the ghost of what Eli almost was. But then, of course, Eli turned into a Superbowl Champion.

- The Giants, who last year sent 1 player the Pro Bowl (and won the Superbowl), sent 6 this year. Eli finally got there, which is great. We also sent both our punter and our field goal kicker which is great because, as they say, kicking wins championships.

P-Bo

REQUIEM FOR THE 2008 BUFFALO BILLS SEASON

Today, I watched the end of a movie during the first quarter of the Buffalo Bills game. If you had told me during the beginning of the year, when I was salivating for Bills preseason games, that I would skip over the first quarter of any game I would have kicked my own ass. But there I was, watching the end of The Lives of Others (Highly recommended by the way, incredible flick) while J.P. Losman was praying for fifty-yard bombs and hand-offs just a remote click away. Last week, hope was dead. Today, the season was.

This Requiem has five parts.



Part 1: Ralph Wilson.
- Not only did you say your team has no talent just a few weeks ago (You own the team, dicksmack!) when pressed by reporters about yesterday’s results you had enough heart for a joke: A small group of reporters asked 90-year-old Bills owner Ralph Wilson how Sunday's game might affect Jauron's job. "I think I should get back into the insurance business!" Wilson replied. Hey Ralph, you know what type of insurance you should invest in? Pant insurance, you big ole’ pant pooper. What happened to your comments about talent when the team was 5-1? Stop acting like you already sold us off to the Canucks, Benedict Arnold bastard.



Part 2: The Android that is Dick Jauron.
I truly believe the only thing that can alter Dick Jauron’s emotional landscape is the glee he feels at the end of the season. This guy’s more excited for January than George Bush. If you ran a slide show of Dick Jauron’s reactions to major historical events you would think the planet has been stuck in nuclear oblivion for the past forty years. He’s like the guy in Saving Private Ryan who gets his arm blown off, picks it up nonchalantly, and walks away. The scariest part about Dick’s frozen face is that he constantly looks more confused about play choice than the fans do.
Truth is, I shouldn’t be complaining, because when he does attempt a smile…



IT’S THE SCARIEST THING EVER. I’d rather be stuck in a room with the melting man from RoboCop than this creep smiling.

You know what else is scary, looking like you’ve had ten hours of sleep before every single game. Hey Dick, ever heard of watching tape, studying up on your opponents, or cutting back on sleep to prep for a big game? Or does that get in the way of your freshmen incollege ten hour a night sleep shift.


Part 3: JP Losman
- I probably shouldn’t put that much emphasis on JP, after all, if Trent had stayed healthy he’d still be that douche on the sidelines trying to look engaged. But it blows my mind that the man is only able to convert completions of forty plus yards. It might have to do with his habit of sneering, “chicks dig the long ball” before he heaves up another pile of shit. The only reason the long ball works with JP is because it puts the play in somebody else’s hand. I’ve seen him throw too many passes with his eyes clinched and arm slung all the way back to believe he has anything to do with those Lee Evans bombs besides putting it out there.

Part 4: Trent Edwards
- Trent Edwards is like a beautiful woman made of ice. The more I embrace him, the more he fades away.

Part 5: Marshawn Lynch and Freddy Jackson
- You’d be hard pressed to find anybody that works as hard as this running duo. I like that Marshawn did one of those “Hey, it’s my fault that the offense sucks” when he’s been doing just about everything. A lot of people have a hard time giving Marshawn the credit he deserves as a preeminent talent in the NFL, and it might have to do with this. But the days of denying Beast Mode are over, he’s here to stay. Like all fine requiems, these two are the glimmer of hope that suggest an afterlife.

Favorite moments of the game –
- 1)Fred Jackson running through 4 (literally) jets Defensive players into the endzone and making me feel bad for watching the end of a movie during the first quarter. 2) Shaun Ellis scooping up JP’s fumble when we were throwing on 2nd down with the lead and 3 minutes left? 3) Coming back on the field pass happy again so that JP can throw another interception 4) or JP’s 70 yard interception, a bomb in the endzone to nobody, beautifully summing up his career. Of course all of this won’t matter as soon as I look up JP post game footage and get to listen to his hilarious voice.


There are a few things I’m sure of regarding this season –

- Dick Jauron already has tickets for opening night of “Bedtime Stories.”

- If there’s anything that has pained me more than the Bills play during games this season it’s commercials for The Mentalist, a one hour crime drama on CBS that distinguishes itself from the 14 other CBS one hour crime dramas with a sneering blonde douche bag star who might, or might not, use psychic powers to solve mysteries! I bet there’s a wild back-story to why he’s decided to use his psychic powers for the good of the local police department. What? You don’t say! His family was murdered, and he’s seeking justice! How clever! Seriously that premise is one notch above porn, which is where this actor should be in the first place. A word of advice Mentalist, anybody can lean over burned bodies, say “must’ve read the wrong recipe” and have it come across as sarcastic.
I hate actors, in fact I consider them the least intelligent people in the world, and the NFL provides great justification for this way of thinking, observe. Who are the dumbest people in NFL history: Terry Bradshaw, Tony Siragusa, and O.J. Simpson. What do they all have in common, they’ve had “professional” acting gigs in movies (rumor has it Bradshaw was reluctant to join the cast of the Sarah Jessica Parker vehicle “Failure to Launch” because he was nervous about working with his child hood idol, Mr. Ed (AYOO!). When everybody was so shocked O.J. killed his ex wife and that other guy (wasn’t he an actor too? Probably, he was dumb enough to fuck with O.J.) I wasn’t that amazed. He was a star in a game that’s based on violence, and some of that attitude, especially with unintelligent people, probably carries over into real life. But watch O.J. save the lives of hundreds of babies in the beginning of Naked Gun 33 1/3 and you will praise Johnnie Cochran as the Saint of Justice. Guess what TO said he wanted to be if he wasn’t in the NFL, an actor.
Oh yeah, back to CBS and The Mentalist, another reason I’m so pissed about it is that it topped the weekly Nielson Ratings recently. That’s right America, you’ve made a show with the description “A mentalist turned private investigator uses his skills to help the police,” the most popular show in the country. I suppose it could be worse.


- This years Dallas Cowboys team could be the most unlikable team in the history of sports. I'd root for a team made up of Michael Vick’s family members over Romo and co. The best part about this whole “Witten and Romo are best friends and make plays for each other in secret away from T.O.” story is that I couldn’t have come up with it in my most audacious and exaggerated insults.

-Bill's fans are still the best in the NFL for putting up with this shit, again.

By the way, guy on the preowned BMW commercial who makes his daughter’s boyfriend/fiancé/husband figure sleep in the attic. Consider this, if he wasn’t dating your daughter he’d probably have enough money to buy a new BMW and not have to settle for that pre-owned shit, destroying your friendly argument that sends him to a separate room in the first place.

But anyways its unfortunately that time of the year for me, when I have to put my interest towards other NFL games because my team is “mathematically eliminated from the playoffs” for the ninth season in a row. Does it suck? Of Course. Am I used to it? Yeah, but not like this. A 5-1 start followed by a 1-7 streak is like getting food poisoning from the best steak you’ve ever had.

But, I’m a Bills fan. I’ll eat that shit every year.

Introducing the PBO Diggs and WHTP's The Week That Was

Introducing Pbo Diggs, the newest member of What Happened to Pride. He'll be running a weekly column, "The Week That Was" recapping all sorts of sports news. You can check out his blog at Short Shorts and Weak Pros. And ignore his defense of Plax, he's a Giant's fan; they're numb after years of supporting retardation.

The Week that Was... -Unless you've been living under a rock for the past five days you've heard that Plaxico Burress, New York Giant WR, shot himself in the leg this weekend at a Manhattan Club. Now, this story has been on the Daily Show, The Colbert Report and every other program known to man, so I won't get into how he was sporting sweatpants at the club, or that he may have fucked the Giants' Superbowl hopes and tarnished the reputation of stand-up middle linebacker Antonio Pierce etc… All I want to say is this: How can you go to jail for three years for shooting yourself? Isn't the trauma of nearly shooting your dick off punishment enough? Listen, Plax is a retard, he should have gotten a permit, hired a bodyguard or just not carried a gun, but he doesn't deserve to get his life ruined because he over estimated the strength of the elastic band in his sweatpants. I wonder if those were team issue?

- --- -The Braves got Javier Vasquez yesterday. Bug Selig may need to step in if they keep this up or the rest of the NL East may just forfeit. Sweet offseason moves, Braves. In a similar move, the Astros signed 1998's own, Mike Hampton. Contention, here they come!

- --- -Is Matt Ryan's rookie season better than any season Mike Vick ever had in his entire career? 90% of the league would come to terms with a few hung, beaten and drowned dogs if they could void the huge contract of an overrated player and upgrade the position. The only easier out for a team would be something ridiculous, like a self inflicted gunshot wound.

- - -- I went to my first Knicks game yesterday. We lost. There were two foreign gentleman sitting in front of us watching there first basketball game. These guys didn't understand the game well, and asked us at one point what we were saying during the "De-Fense" chant. We explained, and for the rest of the day they chanted it at all possible times. This marks the first time someone has gone to a Mike D'Antoni game and come away learning about Defense.

- - -- T-Mac is out three weeks with some knee issue that is probably going to lead to a re-aggravation of his back. I love T-Mac but he is like Grant Hill with osteoporosis. It's hard to win that allusive first playoff series when you're always the 6^th or 7^th seed because you miss 30 games a year. With that said, his team has a 26% winning percentage when he is injured, so all those people who say he is overrated, you're wrong.

- --- -The Big East has 8 teams in the top 25. That makes them the best conference is sports right now. I'm calling 'Cuse v. UConn in the National Title Game, which will be a rematch of the Big East Championship. You heard it hear first.

- --- -I know the economy is rough, so all I want for Christmas is "12 Play 4^th Quarter," the new album by R. Kelly. His first single "Hair Braider" really speaks to me.