My hate for Papelbon runs deep. It’s the type of hatred that could drive a lesser man to murder. Why? You ask. Well it could be the Riverdance episode(s) that make people laugh for a reason I am still trying to discover (A baseball closer dancing an Irish jig? That doesn’t match! – finishes frosting tips and chuckles-). It could also be the way he celebrated after winning the’07 Series; insincere over celebration drives me fucking crazy (i.e. A-Rod if anybody on the Yankees but him hits a home run.) Or perhaps, it was when he changed into an Irish kilt for the “Red Sox Rally” to do the same Irish jig for a third time (It’s on a Costanza “That’s got to hurt!” level of pathetic.) I’ve tried several times to show how putrid of an individual Jonathan Papelbon is. However, I gave up, knowing it would take the likes of a Keats or Frost to properly express such hatred. But then, a light! A close friend, who shared similar frustrations, nailed a comparison that will end any discussion of the merits of a Jonathan C. Papelbon: He looks identical to that professional douche from The Hills, Spencer Sofuckinghappyidontknowhislastname. In fact, they look so similar I can’t tell the difference between these assholes unless Red Sox hats or Lauren Conrad annoying skanks are involved.
- The Loosh
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